Comments on 鈥淟ove Without Borders鈥

cctv.com 10-15-2005 17:58

Long before I was assigned to be the host for this program, I heard the buzz around the office and it didn鈥檛 sound good. Don鈥檛 get me wrong: I think this topic deserved to be done at some point, and I have tremendous respect for this show鈥檚 director, Cao Xi. Truly, if anyone could do this topic justice, I knew she could. But I am a pretty sensitive person to begin with, and as topics get closer to my own life, I only get exponentially more involved. In many situations, this sensitivity serves me well 鈥and indeed, it informed every stage of creation and production of this show. But as any person who has ever been in an international relationship could no doubt attest, not everyone thinks they鈥檙e a great idea. In the end, ironically, it was precisely because of this fact that I agreed to tell this story: everyone already knows all the reasons international relationships can be hard. I wanted to show why in so many cases, they can also be wonderful.

As with all my shows, the first person I consulted was my husband. Thinking he might have a thought or two about international marriages, I wanted to make sure to have his input before the final plan was set. His response didn鈥檛 surprise me: he said he thought the most interesting angle for a show on international marriages to take would be about the way international couples are viewed in Chinese society. My husband and I have actually had it relatively easy here: being the less common kind of international couple (the local man with the foreign woman), we somehow aren鈥檛 subjected to most of the stereotypes 鈥some positive, but most negative 鈥that are attributed to Chinese women who marry foreign men. That is not to say ours has been an easy road, though. To be fair, for every one person who has made an unkind remark or gesture, there are probably a million quiet people who are indifferent or even supportive. And often, the prejudice comes out subtly, in ways that, on the surface, might seem totally harmless. For example, in public places where we are together 鈥like a supermarket 鈥it is not uncommon for someone to acknowledge somehow that we鈥檙e together and then make a remark to my husband like, 鈥淵ou got yourself a foreign wife!! You鈥檙e great!!鈥To which my husband invariably responds (though rarely aloud), 鈥淚鈥檓 great because she鈥檚 foreign? What鈥檚 wrong with Chinese wives?鈥

My first experience in America with the surfacing of hidden assumptions about international couples came not from anyone in my immediate circle of family and friends, but from a friend-of-a-friend鈥檚 father, a Chinese man living in America for most of his life. Upon meeting me for the first time, and knowing nothing specific about Meng Fei or me, the man said, 鈥淚 heard some Chinese boy got you to marry him. I bet that鈥檚 some kind of trophy for his family!!!鈥(For the record, it is an honor for his family 鈥just as having Meng Fei in my family is an honor for us 鈥but not for any of the reasons this man was implying.) I was shocked. I grew up proud to think of America as a place where people were more and more open-minded and antiquated ideas held less and less power. In such an environment could this man possibly dare imply that my citizenship 鈥and literally, he was implying nothing more than my citizenship 鈥somehow made me better than the people in my husband鈥檚 family? While certainly the minority in my experience, I came to find that such prejudice absolutely exists in American society.

I honestly don鈥檛 know what the solution to all of this will be. For many problems, increased exposure and access to information help a lot. I am sad to admit, though, that I鈥檝e witnessed plenty of discrimination rooted in stereotypes from well-educated, otherwise worldly people. Clearly, this problem is not tragic or especially pressing 鈥particularly in comparison to things like AIDS or domestic violence 鈥but because it receives little media attention anywhere, I think it鈥檚 easy to let any preconceived notions we have about it go unexamined. My hope in doing this show was to give viewers a closer look at what these couples鈥lives are really like, and in so doing, perhaps create a platform from which any remaining prejudices may begin to be challenged.

Editor:Liu Fengming  Source:CCTV.com